Changing The Narrative

I read an article not too long ago about changing the narrative as we get older. The article pointed out we sometimes have a memory of a time or place and it is all we have and we think that is all there will be. But, being in the same place making new memories may be the way to go.

For the last couple of weeks, my sister and I have taken on the task of starting to clean out and clear up my dad’s home. He has Alzheimers and is in an adult family home that takes care of Alzheimers patients. To say that I do not have great memories in this home is an understatement. My dad has lived here for quite a long time. We live in different states across the country and I did not always visit him by choice. We did not have that kind of relationship. When he had an accident and broke his hip 3 years ago in the state I live in not his, visiting him in the hospital shed a light on his dementia and that there were changes that my sister and I needed to make to ensure he was safe not only in his home but from those who prey on older folks like him. I made up for all those visits I did not make when my sister and I took turns staying with him for months at a time while he healed from his broken hip and figuring out what is next for him with his now confirmed Alzheimers diagnosis.

To say the time with him was a miserable existence was an understatement. Picture this, here is someone who has lived by himself and independently for many many years who now has his youngest child in his home doling out medication, fixing meals, reminding him to change clothes and bathe, taking over his monthly bills, etc…Oh did I mention he is a retired army colonel…yes that too. He would ask me daily when I was going home and didn’t my husband and dog miss me . Coming back here to take on the task of cleaning out his home was not something I looked forward to.

My dad kept everything sometime in duplicate and triplicate. If you know anything about Alzheimers, there is a certain hoarding factor that happens with the disease so we needed to go through everything piece by piece. There are things that are familiar and things that surprised us. There were things that brought me to tears. This is only the first pass, there will be many more weeks of sorting through things and making decisions. For my mental health, I needed to find a way to change the narrative from “ I hate this place” to “I am greatful and honored to be able to take care of my dad’s possessions”. Total transparency here…I am not there yet because there is so much stuff but what helped me even think about changing the narrative was my daughter’s take on the house she has so many good memories with her grandfather. Every treasure she found was Christmas Day. Every reminder of her time here would bring a smile. She did not have the experiences I did here and I am grateful she did not.

Finally, in the article, it gave some suggestions on ways to change the narrative. One rang true for me. It said to laugh in a place you may have previously cried . I can say I have laughed while here and it does feel different. If nothing else, its a start.