Taking Care if Aged Parents in Your Menopause Season

I talk about all things Menopause but realize at this time of our lives there is more than menopause going on. Some of us are sending the first child or the last child off to college or into the world and experiencing empty nest syndrome (yes, it is a real thing).

This may be the time where you are reevaluating your career or retiring or making plans to retire in a few years.  The point is there are so many, more factors at play at this season of our lives. 

One of the things that my sister and I are experiencing that so many women and men experience is taking care of aged parents.  In some cultures, it is a normal thing for the younger generation to naturally take care of their elders. So, this may look like always living with their children or at some point moving in to live out the rest of their lives with their children and grandchildren.  I remember visiting my grandmother when I was young, and my great grandmother was living in the same house.

This played out many years later when my sister (who is the oldest) invited my mother to move in with her and her family. To me, that was just a natural thing to happen because I had seen it with my grandmother.  The things that changed was when my mom was diagnosed with cancer. That changed things quite a bit for my sister and her household.  I ended up moving to the city they lived in to help but my sister made sacrifices to ensure our mother was comfortable and had the things she needs. When the doctors had done everything that they could do, there was no conversation about what would happen next, there would be no hospice facility or no home to send our mother to, she would comfortably pass at my sister’s home.  This was a conscience decision but by no means an easy one.  In our eyes, you take care of your parents. You do what you can to help them live out their days surrounded by loved ones. 

Sometimes however, taking care of a parent is not always possible and a care facility is needed. This is a reality for so many families.  It was a reality for my sister and I when our father was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease, had a stroke and heart attack and covid happened.  The perfect storm.  This decision was not an easy one.  We both tried to find a way to have our father live with one of us, but all the stars did not align for that one.  Being covid, and after a face time tour, we selected an adult family home that would take our father and care for him after he finished rehab. We were in unchartered territory but had to go with our gut. Did you know there are concierge services that help you find a facility that fits your loved one? We did not either, but it was a service offered to us to help find a place for our father. Again….covid.  After recently visiting him in his group family home after a year and a half of him being there, we still think we made the right decision. I say all of this to say, go with your gut if you find yourself making this decision with you aged parent.  Yes, you will have all the feels about whether it is the right thing or if another decision can be made. In our case, we both felt these things but, in the end, knew it was the best decision for us living so far from him.

And lastly, please please please what ever route you may have to take, take care of the caregiver. This applies even when you have placed your loved one in a facility. I still tense up when my phone rings.  Take care of yourself. Make sure you are taking care of your mind, body, and soul.  Talk to someone if you need to.  Support your siblings who are traveling this road with you. I am so blessed to have my sister. And above all, Be Kind to Yourself! You’ve got this!